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H.E.R. Crisis Guest Blogger: Melissa Webb | Instagram: @mwebb_lpc
My dad was my go to person for dating advice. He was a smart, wise and took care of my mom for over 30 years, so he had some valuable experience under his belt (my mom isn’t the easy to please). After he died, and even in my profession as a license professional counselor for over five years, his guidance still resonates with me even more as I navigate the dating world. His wisdom rings over and over in my head, so I thought I would share a few of his gems with you.
- Stay independent in a relationship. I had a friend that got into a relationship and we stopped hanging out. She was boo’d up and didn’t want anything to do with me or her loved ones. This went on for months until the break up, of course. She called me crying about her failed relationship but I was surprised she remembered my number. Has this happened to you? My friend lost her identity in a man. Everything was about him until it wasn’t. In the beginning of the relationship it’s normal to be swoon by your love. But usually couples go back to hanging with friends after the “honeymoon” phase. If your partner is actively keeping you away from family and friends, they are controlling and abusing you. Isolating yourself leads to you only depending on your mate. This is not healthy as it strips you of your support system and your strength. If you are in a situation like this, I want to recommend that you seek help. My profession allows me the understanding and resources to help those who are looking for assistance in this area. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224 and you can remain anonymous. It’s a safe place sis.
- If you’re not happy, leave. Simple advice but it can be so hard to do. As women, we tend to hold on to dead relationships and try to breathe life in them only to continue to be in the same dead relationship. Why? Because relationships consist of TWO people not one. Often times, it is one person trying to keep the relationship going and the other one just doesn’t care. This leads to stress, anxiety and depression. If you are unhappy, talk to your mate. If you two don’t agree to work it out, part ways. Don’t try to convince him or yourself that he wants to stay. He said what he said! Go find someone that what’s to be with you. Life’s too short to be unhappy.
- Trust your gut. Your intuition is the body’s way of informing you of a situation. That “gut feeling” is our innate guide warning us something is wrong, like to break it off with that guy. It’s something that only YOU experience and no one can weigh in on it. We often dismiss our intuition because of the advice our friends give or what society says. Your intuition is powerful and can save you from heartbreak. To be more in tune with your intuition, practice mindfulness techniques, which will help to combat overthinking and support focusing on yourself.
Now it’s your turn. What advice have you received from an older relative or friend? Comment below!
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