Motherhood Perks: 5 Embarrassing Things My Mom Did That I Do Now

This past weekend we celebrated Mother’s Day. As a mother of three—two teenagers and a toddler—I’ve learned that motherhood ain’t for punks. And what I mean by that, is that there are definitely grand and amazing days and then there are those rough and exhausting days. All and all, it’s still a blessing that I don’t take lightly.

This weekend, as my family showered with me flowers, food and love, I couldn’t help but reflect on how my mother, grandmother and aunt raised me; what they told me, how they showed me the world and how they took care of me. It was in the midst of this that I realized how crazy they were and now I am.

But crazy for great reasons. One of the craziest moments for me as a child, was when my mom used to do nasty and annoying things to get me looking and acting right, and now, as I pick my child’s nose in public, I get it. I get all of it.
To celebrate this blessing that is called motherhood, I figured I’d share some of the things that I love to do that I know my kids think I’m crazy for doing. Let’s see if I’m the only one on this boat…

5 Embarrassing Things My Mom Did That I Do Now

1. Destroying my child’s nostrils: One of my biggest fears as a mother is having a child that constantly runs around with a running, disgusting nose. So to ensure that this doesn’t happen, I attack my toddler’s nose, daily! Sometimes with a tissue, sometimes with just my fingernail. Yes, I know, that’s gross, but damnit someone’s got to do it. I haven’t gone far enough to use the NoseFrida yet, but I getting there. Damn allergies.

2. Using saliva as a cleaning agent: This is an old but definitely necessary task. If there is something on their face, it must come off with the help of my saliva. No, my mouth may not be as clean as a dog’s, but there’s always a lot of love and kisses coming from it so they better take it. Oh and this must be done in public, preferably around their friends. Everyone must know that they are clean.

3. Shouting for poo poo: Potty training is another task not made for punks. And by punks, I mean for parents. There is a lot of patience and strategy that goes into getting your child to use a toilet, or a princess potty in my case, rather than the 36 cent Pampers (yes I put a price tag on those money eaters) she’s use to. So because this is a monumental task, it is my absolute right to celebrate with a chant, song or dance whenever she “poo poos in the pot”. Again, this does not matter if we are at home or in public, it is a celebration…bitches!

4. Affection at any moment: This one may fall solely on my personality because I understand the true value in life seeing that I’ve lost soo many, and in knowing this, I constantly show my daughters affection…preferably in public. Kisses, hugs, hand holding, the whole shebang. Now I’ll give it to my teenagers, they’ve learned how to dodge my efforts but I still have my toddler. She has no choice and she’s going to enjoy each mushy moment.

5. It’s just tradition: This last one isn’t necessarily something I do to the kids, but more so what I do around the kids. My mother had big chi-chis. She was a woman who worked hard and when she got home, her first step to get out of work mode was releasing those chi-chis. The only problem with that was that I normally went outside after she got home, which means that people had to knock on the door to invite me outside. Which means that those chi-chis came to the door with her, if I wasn’t fast enough, to awkwardly greet my friends. Yes, my mom was the mom that came to the door, however she felt, and she always felt bra less. I told myself, “self, do you ever do that to your kids. It’s just not necessary.” I’m sorry to tell myself, yes…yes it is very necessary. So I’m sorry kids, if someone comes knocking on the door after I get home from work and the chi-chis are out, and my hair is tied up AND if I’m washing my face with some Noxzema you better get to that door first because I’m coming as is. You will understand when you older. Now worries.


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