Control isn’t Always the Answer to Life’s Problems

Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Hi, my name is DNC, and I am a control freak. Or at least I once was. See when I decided to do several things in my life (get into a relationship, birth a child, publish a book, oh and be an adult), I realized that the control that I lived for became null and void.

And when I say to you that I was a control freak, I mean that whatever I touched, whatever I  could manage, I had a set expectation on how it was going to come out in the end. Period!

When I got a job at six flags, I was going to be the top photographer, and I was. When I went to college, I was going to graduate in four years and that’s what I did. When I wanted to go into marketing, that was what I was going to do and now I eat, sleep and breathe Marcom.

BUT (because there is always a but) getting to those goals were totally out of my control. I never wanted to work three jobs at once in college to help pay for it, but I had to. I never want to lose my mother, uproot my life with no job and move to Atlanta, but I had to in order to recalibrate my mentality.

As I sit back and reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m heading, I’ve got to be honest with myself (and you all) that control was never the answer. As a matter of fact, control in many cases almost kept me in the same place, doing the same things and never exploring outside of that box.

Some of us may believe that we must always steer the ship — that we must know and choose each step because that’s the only way they can be successful. As a black woman formerly known as a control freak, I am telling the rest of you all out there that you are stifling and cutting your life short trying to plan, organize and execute your life’s moves as every corner.

Do you know what happens when you do all that controlling and something shifts on you that is totally out of your controlling hands? You stress out, you worry and loose hair, you overcompensate, you fall back, or you even fall into an abyss of  “who, what, when, where and why” all because you were too narrow-minded to understand that life is not perfect, nor can you control everything and everyone in it.

Life is not about control; it is about living. Sometimes that living is about taking calculated risks or trying to be ready for everything that you can be, but it’s mostly about exploring and understanding that behind all the things that you can’t control, is a lesson to help you through the next unforeseen obstacle that you run into.

Y’all know me, I don’t talk from assumptions, I share what I’ve been through. I know times can be tough when you don’t know what to expect but you must believe that you are strong and smart enough to work through whatever is thrown your way. God made you that way.

This week, live in the moment. Don’t focus on what you can control, focus on what comes your way and how you can make it fit into your next steps. Make obstacles into opportunities; fears into financial feats; and stress into indicators that you must stop and smell the roses. Create a memory and moment that you won’t forget.

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